For every child we see who are used to “roughing” it through any problem in their life, there are kids who are more emotional. The outside world might see them as children who are often in tears or too sensitive; the truth is, we are sometimes dealing with emotionally intelligent individuals who actually “feel too much”.
As a rule, adults don’t actually expect young children to understand or comprehend complex emotions. While we generally expect kids to be happy and ecstatic most of the time, some of our children may show signs of crying too much, being too sensitive, getting frustrated more easily, or to get angry at the slightest provocation.
Sometimes, it gets tough for parents to deal with overly sensitive and emotional children; in fact, there are certain rules to raising these children who feel too much and too soon.
Here is a mommy-and-daddy guide to raising emotional children.
- Don’t Stop Them from Feeling Something
This is actually one of the mistake parents end up making, especially when we are too frustrated to deal with their emotions. Not only the mother and the father, but also other adults around have the age-old habit of telling children “to stop crying”, “smile when they don’t feel like it” or “stop sulking like a baby”.
Imagine how you feel as an adult when someone else tells you to “control your emotions”. It doesn’t feel good for us, and neither does it soothe kids when they are feeling tearful, frustrated or angry. They shouldn’t be just hushed or stopped in the middle of expressing themselves, because that will only make them more miserable.
2. Don’t Mistake their Emotions for Weakness
Tears are often considered to be weakness, when in case, they are simply a way for children to express multiple emotions. They cry not only when they are physically hurt, but also when angry, frustrated, disappointed, uncomfortable, bored or lonely, and of course, sadness. Crying is one of the most common ways for children to express themselves at all age.
Just because a child cries more than their peers, it doesn’t mean they are weak. They are new to the world of emotions and tears are the most familiar ways for them to express themselves. The situation might be varied, but most children react to them by crying, but that shouldn’t be considered to be their weakness.
3. Try Not to be Embarrassed by their Emotions
It’s true that most children choose to express their emotion in situations where it’s easy for parents to get embarrassed. They might get start a loud tantrum at the grocery store, start crying after losing a baseball game, or refuse to respond when someone else speaks to them. However, it is important to understand that children simply act on the feelings instead of hiding them; as the adults, we would have probably done the same if we hadn’t learned to control ourselves with age.
Instead of being embarrassed by your children’s tantrums or tears, parents need to handle the situation carefully. Telling kids to “Stop behaving like an idiot!” or that “People are watching” is only going to aggravate them more. Rather, it is important that you try to understand why your kids are emotional, what’s triggered them, and what you can do to make it easy for them. Instead, what most parents worry about more is the reaction of spectators, which isn’t really important at the end of the day.
4. Accept Your Children’s Temperament
Just like your kid might be shy or outgoing, athletic or bookish, it is important for parents to accept that they might be sentimental. Being emotional is nothing more than a personality trait in individuals that makes them different from others.
A big part of raising emotional children is to appreciate their temperament and triggers. There will be many things throughout the day that will make them sulk, burst out in tears or throw a tantrum. It is the job of the parents to help them avoid their triggers, stay clear of the things or that bother them, and see that they don’t face too many obstacles in life. However, what’s most important is that parents of overly sensitive children accept who their kids are on the inside and not wait for them “to get over their emotions” or “toughen up”.
5. Teach Them About Their Emotions
Young children may show a lot of emotions, but they are – for the most part – confused about what they are feeling. Many of the emotions they experience every day are foreign to them, and they have no idea about them. It is the job of none other the parents to correctly teach children about their emotions, just like we teach them about everything else.
Start by naming them; say “I can see that this makes you sad” or “I can understand why you are so angry”.This way, you’re not just giving them a name for what they are going through, but also validating their feelings. At the same time, you’re also telling them that you – the parent and other adults – also have similar emotions. When children know that they are not alone in feeling so wretched and that their feelings have names, they’ll eventually learn to make sense of their emotions.
6. Don’t Label Them Negatively
Don’t use words like “whiner”, “drama-queen”, “cry-baby” or “attention seeker” when talking about your emotional children, or when talking to them. Even when you are thoroughly flustered and anxious, find more positive words to describe your children to other people or to discipline them.
Instead of such negative words, call them “sensitive” if they seem to become tearful often, “kind-hearted” if they are easily rattled, or “intense” when they seem too aware of their own feelings. They may not exactly understand the meanings of the word, but they will undoubtedly grasp the positivity behind your tone.
7. Teach Them to Control their Emotions
There’s a big difference between ordering your children to not have emotions and teaching them to control their emotions, and everyone prefers the latter. Just like we adults know not to show our emotions in public, children need to learn the preferable ways of expressing theirs. This includes:
- Teaching your children to think about what they are feeling inside, before they start to express them;
- Teaching them to talk to you about anything that’s on their mind;
- Teaching them to use the right words to express their emotions instead of crying or screaming;
- Guiding them to solve their problems in the right way, instead of getting overwhelmed and anxious in the process; and
- Praising them when they successfully handle their emotions.
To raise a child who is emotional and sensitive – it is actually an ongoing process rather than a one-time lesson. Children who are often overwhelmed by their own emotions are not to be scolded, criticized, punished or dismissed; rather, they require our constant help, assurance and validation.
Raising an emotional child can be hard for parents at times, but only if you are not equipped with the details. On the other hand, if parents know how to deal with high-strung sensitive children, it will become easier with time.
