Every day, we communicate with dozens of people around us. The barista who makes us our first coffee, the taxi driver who takes us to work, our colleagues and bosses, the person who serves us lunch, people we are friends with on Facebook – and everyone in between. We give presentations and attend meetings, we argue and fight and agree, and try to get through the day using thousands of words. that’s why we have to learn to understand and communicate with each other properly so read on in this Communication between Family Members Guide.
But sometimes, the most important people in our lives are ignored: our family members. Our parents, spouses and partners, our children – these are the people who are closest to us, the people we love the most in the world, but communicating with them might sometimes be the hardest thing you ever have to do.
It is not just important that you know how to effectively communicate with your family members, it is crucial, and these are some tips to help you.
Tip#1: Don’t take your Partner/Spouse for Granted
Usually, the person we overlook most in our busy lives are our significant other. Whether you have been married for 5 years or 50, the novelty wears off between every couple. At one point in their lives, all they can talk about are their children, their shared responsibilities and other such practical topics. While this is almost inevitable, it is also important that you never take your partner or spouse for granted. You have to make time for each other, show that you care about each other and most importantly, communicate.
It is crucial that you can talk to your significant other; not just about the trivial, practical side of life, but about the important things. If you are feeling neglected in the relationship, you need to be vocal about it; if you are the one neglecting your partner, you need to convey your reasons for doing so. Partners don’t need expensive gifts or grand gestures to tell someone you love them, because your attention and affection is usually enough.
Tip#2: Become an Active Listener
With your significant other, you need to listen more than you need to talk. Listen when they are complaining about a bad day, about a demanding career, about problems at home, and about their feelings. Showing empathy towards your partner will work more than offering them advice.
Asking something as simple as “How was your day?” can open the lines of communication with your partner. Listen to them as they talk about their day, instead of a) judging them, b) thinking of replies, c) thinking about anything else, d) listening biasedly, or e) looking for solutions before they ask for one.
Listening is very important in communication. Whether you are trying to communicate with your partner or with your children, you have to let them understand that you are actually paying attention to them. Nod to show empathy, urge them to continue with “Then what happened?” or “What did you do then?”, or simply remember the details for later. This will show your loved ones that you care about them enough.
Tip#3: Talk, but don’t Judge
No one wants to be judged, especially not the members of our family who deserves our unbiased love and support. No one would like to talk to you about their feelings or ideas if they think you are being judgmental about them.
This is especially true in case of teenagers. It is usually harder to get teenagers to talk freely to their parents, but they will shut you out immediately if they detect a critical tone. You can ask them about their friends, their studies, their school or their hobbies, but the moment that you criticize something, you can be sure your teenage child will stop sharing.
Teenagers have extremely low self-esteem. They lose their natural confidence if they are criticized too often. The best way to talk to them is with an open mind; be a friend to your children if you want to know what’s actually going on in their lives.
Tip#4: Do Something Together
Even as little as 15 minutes every day spent with your family can be good enough, but this time has to be without any distraction. You can choose the time that fits your lifestyle to spend together – breakfast or dinner, family TV time, or time spent commuting in the same car.
It’s not necessary that you have to spend this time talking about your feelings; what’s important is that you choose an activity that requires you to communicate with each other, instead of everyone staring at their smart phones. Find a show you can all watch together or play board games, do puzzles or get one member to read a book out loud. With very young children, you can choose a toy that you can all play with together. Effective communication doesn’t always have to start with a “How are you feeling today?” or “Tell me what’s on your mind”. What’s important is that you have spent a little time with your family, and enjoyed it.
Tip#5: Spend Some One-on-one Time
As important as it is to spend time together as a family, it is also crucial that you can effectively communicate with each and every member of your family. If you have children, you must be equally comfortable with them all, and know details of their life. Planning one-on-one activities with everyone in your family can be a good way to get to know each other.
If you have a very busy life, it’s not necessary that you do it every single day. Make use of the time sitting together in a doctor’s waiting room to talk, or plan to drop them off to work/school/college a few days a week; ask them to accompany you to the store, or just go out for breakfast with your child/children while your partner rests at home.
Tip#6: Remember the details of their Life
If you are a good listener, you’ll get to hear a lot of intimate details about your family’s own lives, and these are something you have to remember. It’s not hard; you just have to remember which co-worker is being a problem in your partner’s workplace, or why your child had a fight with their best friend, what subject they love at school, and which of your partner’s aunts had a surgery lately.
If you can remember these details that are obviously important in the other person’s life, they’ll appreciate it and want to share more with you, since you are clearly an empathetic listener.
Tip#7: Don’t Offer Advice
Most of the time when our family members are talking to us, all they want is empathy and understanding. What they don’t want are solutions or advice. If you jump to your problem-solving mode instead of empathetically listening to what your partner or children are saying, you’ll only end up antagonizing them.
So when your partner is complaining about their job, don’t say “So, quit your job!”; when your children are worried about something trivial, don’t belittle their feelings by saying “Grow up, will you?”
Tip#8: Don’t Assume Anything
Wait until your family members tell you exactly what they are thinking or feeling, don’t try to assume anything. A lot of problems can arise when you quietly assume what your partner or children are thinking about, instead of asking them about it. No one is a mind reader in your family, so don’t try to be one.
When you assume what your partner or children are feeling instead of asking them, it is quite normal that you’ll start to make accusations or criticisms. This can create a lot of problems in the future, and completely stop your family members from sharing with you.
Tip#9: Respect each other’s Beliefs
Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and view points, and you should fully respect that. Even your children and the younger members of your family should be respected for their own beliefs, so don’t always try to change their opinions to suit your own.
Tip#10: Always Be Available
Whenever your family members need you, you have to be available to listen to them. If your children call you at work with something trivial to share, you need to be patient with them. If your partner calls you because they are missing you, you need to make some time for them.
You cannot have good communication skill unless you are present whenever your family wants to talk to you; communication isn’t only about trying to talk to your loved ones when it’s convenient for you, but also to make time for them whenever they are in need.
Your family are your most treasured possession. If you cannot communicate with the people you love most in this world, there’s no one who’s lonelier than you. Learn to talk to your family, to be there when they need you, to be sympathetic to their feelings, and you will have a family who loves and respects you.
